


Figgy Pudding

by Clea2011



Series: Pornalot 2018 [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Figging, M/M, Pornalot 2018, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 22:54:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18882895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clea2011/pseuds/Clea2011
Summary: “Come on, Arthur,” Merlin wheedled, “let’s go.  Gwaine’s parties are always fun!”Arthur should have known better.





	Figgy Pudding

**Author's Note:**

> Just realised that I never posted the rest of the 2018 Pornalot fics. This one was, I think, kink link week where you take three prompts from a list and incorporate them into a fic. The fic had to be 1000 words for Pornalot, this was the version before I cut it down to that word count.  
> The prompts were Figging (and spanking) from the kink list, fake relationship from the trope list and pickle because you had to incorporate a word from list three.

“Come on, Arthur,” Merlin wheedled, “let’s go.  Gwaine’s parties are always fun!”

Arthur really didn’t want to go. Last time they’d attended one of Gwaine’s events it had been a Marvel characters theme and Arthur had ended up with green hair for a week.  It was mostly Morgana’s fault for telling him the dye would wash straight out.  It probably would on dark hair.  Not on Arthur’s blond locks. The harpy had probably done it on purpose.  Plus Percival had made a much better Hulk than Arthur.

Also, it meant they would have to keep lying to their friends.

Merlin and Arthur weren’t a couple.  But they were dating.  Allegedly.

It was Arthur’s fault.  There had been a horrible moment at work when Uther had insisted Arthur date Vivien, the obnoxious daughter of one of Uther’s business contacts.  Insisting that he was gay wasn’t enough, Arthur had to invent a fake boyfriend.  And Merlin had been the first person that sprang to mind.  Mostly because Arthur would have liked Merlin to be his genuine boyfriend, but Merlin didn’t need to know that.  It had taken desperate begging and pleading and several favours but Merlin had eventually agreed.  And so, for the last month, they had been lying to everyone.

But on the bright side Arthur hadn’t had to date Vivien.  And he’d spent a lot more time with his best friend.  Though that was a special torture all of its own.

“You owe me,” Merlin reminded him.

Damn.  Arthur really did.

“Okay, what’s the stupid theme this time?” he sighed.

Merlin laughed, knowing he’d won.  “It’s figs!”

“ _Figs_?”

“Yeah, I wonder about Gwaine sometimes.  He just said to bring our own figs and laughed. But I googled it and apparently there’s all sorts of cocktails that use figs and you know how he likes his drink.”

God, yes Arthur did. 

 “At least we don’t have to dress up. And I’ve bought some fig rolls as a joke too.  Gwen says she’s baking a fig and apple cake.”

Gwen was going and was baking a cake.  Okay, so the interesting idea that had occurred to Arthur when Merlin said figs couldn’t possibly be right.  Perhaps it would be one of Gwaine’s less OTT parties.

“I’ll pick you up at 8,” Arthur agreed.  “Can’t resist one of Gwen’s cakes.”

\---

Gwaine’s flat was a two-bedroomed sprawl on the third floor and he frequently got threatened with eviction by the management company for all his loud parties. Arthur wondered if that was why this one was apparently going to be tame.

It wasn’t tame.

Arthur could smell the fresh ginger as soon as they walked in and immediately knew that Merlin had made a mistake regarding the party theme.  There was no sign of Gwen or her cake, although there were a lot of feminine shrieks and laughter coming from one of the bedrooms. 

“Has he made ginger pickle or something?” Merlin asked, sniffing.

Perhaps Merlin was just trying to be funny?  But Arthur suspected that he really didn’t have a clue. 

Arthur loved figging.  Mostly he loved spanking, but as the ideal process as far as Arthur was concerned was a combination of both, figging was one of his favourite things. His cock twitched in anticipation, almost as a learned reaction.  He tried to remember that he was there with Merlin and nothing was going to happen because they weren’t really dating. 

“Guys!” Gwaine greeted them.  “You made it!”

“We brought fig rolls,” Merlin told him, handing over the bag before Arthur could stop him.

Gwaine laughed, then looked in the bag and laughed even more.  “You really did!  Where’s the ginger?”

“Ginger?” Merlin looked genuinely lost.  “You said figs.  I bought figs.  For cocktails.”

Because Gwaine liked Merlin (Arthur suspected Gwaine liked Merlin a bit too much so quickly put a possessive arm around his fake boyfriend) there was no ridiculing.  Well, not from Gwaine anyway.

“Figs!” Cenred snorted, coming out of the kitchen.  “Hey, everyone!  Merlin here thought we wanted actual figs!  Who’s going to show him the error of his ways?”

Arthur wasn’t sure why Gwaine even invited Cenred and Valiant to these things.  Nobody liked the pair of them.  Although this particular party was probably right up their street.  Valiant was eyeing Merlin with interest and Arthur stepped in.

“I am, obviously. You know, his _boyfriend_.  And we’re joking, also obviously!  Gwaine,” he turned to their friend, “the shop was out of ginger, _someone_ bought it all.  We thought you’d have plenty here and that this would be a funny gift to bring instead. You know Merlin’s sense of humour!”

Merlin was looking worried but Arthur gave him a reassuring squeeze.  And right then Percival came out of the second bedroom with Elyan and spotted the goodies.

“Fig rolls!  Hah!  I love them!”

And that was the end of the fig rolls.  Merlin gazed after Percival in confusion.  Unfortunately that confusion was noticed by others.

“I say Merlin hasn’t got a clue,” Valiant declared nastily.  “I say we show him!”

“Use the fermented stuff,” Cenred agreed. 

Oh god, they’d aged some.  It just got better… Worse, Arthur corrected himself. It just got worse.  But Arthur’s interest must have been apparent because Gwaine stepped in, or perhaps Gwaine was just protecting Merlin too. 

“I’ll just get you some, Arthur. Looks like bedroom 2 is free unless you want to join the exhibitionists in the living room?  No?”

“No,” Arthur told him firmly, not looking at Merlin.  He could imagine the horrified expression on his not!boyfriend’s face as Gwaine pressed a knife, chopping board and fermented ginger root into Arthur’s hands, then gestured to the room Percival and Elyan had just vacated.  Cenred went to follow, but Arthur put a hand out to stop him.

“Just us,” he warned.  For good measure he locked the door behind them.

And then he couldn’t avoid looking at Merlin.

Merlin was looking at the objects Arthur was holding, then back at Arthur.  “This isn’t a fig party, is it?”

“Figg _ing_ ,” Arthur confirmed.  “Ginger root up the arse. And this is aged.  Extra hot.”

“Jesus!”

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!”

Merlin’s expression told him exactly what the chances of that were.  “So we just sit in here and wait for a while then go back out there?”

It seemed a waste of that excellent root. Arthur gazed at it longingly.  “I suppose.”

“Or you could show me?” Merlin offered shyly. “I mean, just for educational purposes?”

“Really?” Arthur tried and failed not to seem overeager.  “I mean, this is too strong for a beginner but we could do me first?”  He was already picking up the knife and starting to peel away the mouldy skin.  Perhaps he was seeming a bit keen but… well, he _was_ keen! “Now watch, I have to get all the skin off first, and carve it into a curved butt plug.  See this little groove to hold it in place?”

Merlin nodded, watching intently.  Arthur tried to remember that this was just going to be a learning experience.  Absolutely just a one-off.  He couldn’t let himself start forgetting that Merlin wasn’t really his boyfriend.  Still, it was a chance to have sex with Merlin, and Arthur would take friends with benefits if that was all he could get.  He’d always hope for more though.

Merlin seemed very interested.  He took the plug and watched as Arthur shed his jeans and underpants then lay face down on the bed.  Arthur felt the mattress shift as Merlin knelt behind him and pressed the cool plug to his entrance.

“Lube?”

“No need,” Arthur assured him, then gave a low moan as Merlin carefully worked the vegetable plug in.  It felt good, cool and slippery. 

“What’s so great about it?” Merlin asked. 

“The sensation,” Arthur sighed.  “Right now it’s starting to feel warm, but that’ll get tingly and spicy very soon. And then…” he half-rolled over to smile hopefully up at Merlin.

“What?”

“How do you feel about spanking?”

Merlin gaped at him for a moment, then recovered.  An evil little smirk settled across his features. “You? Definitely!  Nobody ever earned a spanking more. Do I take this out?”  He poked at the ginger root and Arthur couldn’t help letting out a little moan.

“Noooo.” The ginger was starting to work its magic now.  Arthur could feel himself getting hard at the delicious tingling sensation.  “That’s the best part.”

Merlin laughed, shaking his head and settling on the edge of the bed, his own jeans and underpants now abandoned on the floor too.  “I worry about you!  Okay, over my knee then.  You so deserve this!”

Arthur didn’t need telling twice.  He scrambled over to Merlin and lay in his lap almost quivering with excitement.  Giving a tentative clench Arthur moaned with pleasure at feeling the ginger burning inside him. He was hard against Merlin’s thigh and could feel Merlin’s burgeoning erection pressing against him in return.  Arthur ground down against him and heard Merlin sharply intake a breath. 

“Stop that!” Merlin ordered suddenly, and then there was a tentative slap across Arthur’s buttocks. 

“Harder,” Arthur urged.  He ground against Merlin again, clenching against the plug and feeling the delicious burn.  It was well-aged, good stuff.

This time Merlin was firmer, and with a little encouragement the slaps came much harder and faster, Arthur clenching against the root with each one.  The sting of the slap and the burn of the ginger felt exquisitely good.  Arthur knew he wouldn’t last long.

“This is for making me your fake boyfriend.” Slap.  “This is for ignoring all my hints.” Slap. “This is for not dating me properly.” Slap. “This is for not shagging me.” Slap.

Arthur was barely listening, thrusting against Merlin and then coming hard all over Merlin’s lap.

Wait, what?  As Arthur lay there in a blissed-out haze, he realised what Merlin had said.

“You want us to date?”

Merlin just looked at him, one eyebrow raised. “I’m covered in your come,” he pointed out. 

“I’m marking my territory.”

Merlin snorted.  “You should see your red butt.  I’ve marked _mine_!”

 

 

 

 


End file.
